Planning your dream wedding is an exciting journey—one filled with champagne toasts, stunning décor, and the magic of saying "I do." But before you can walk down the aisle, there’s one major task that sets the stage for your entire celebration: creating the perfect wedding guest list.

Let’s be honest—choosing who makes the cut (and who doesn’t) can be one of the trickiest parts of wedding planning. Between budget limitations, venue capacity, and family expectations, striking the right balance takes strategy, diplomacy, and maybe a few deep breaths.

At St. James 1868, we’ve seen countless couples navigate this process, and we understand the challenges that come with curating a meaningful guest list. That’s why we’ve created this guide—to help you make the right decisions with clarity and confidence.

How to Craft your Wedding Guest List

Step 1: Define Your Wedding Vision

Before you jot down a single name, take a step back. What kind of wedding do you envision?

Is it an intimate gathering with just your nearest and dearest, or a grand celebration with everyone you’ve ever met?
Are you aiming for a black-tie affair or a laid-back destination wedding?
Do you want a guest list that prioritizes family traditions or one that reflects your modern love story?

Understanding your wedding style, atmosphere, and values will help guide your guest list decisions. A small, candlelit ceremony calls for an exclusive list, while a lavish ballroom soirée may allow for a more expansive one.

At St. James 1868, our two uniquely luxurious venues—The Abbey and The Hyde—accommodate both grand celebrations and intimate gatherings, giving you flexibility no matter your vision.

Step 2: Establish Priorities and Criteria

Once you have a clear vision, it’s time to determine who belongs on the list. This is where you and your partner need to get on the same page.

Consider the following factors:

Family First? Are parents and immediate family non-negotiable?
Friends vs. Acquaintances: Where do you draw the line?
Venue Capacity: How many guests comfortably fit at your chosen venue?
Budget Considerations: More guests mean higher costs for catering, seating, and invitations.
Plus-Ones & Kids: Will you allow them, and if so, under what criteria?

A helpful trick: Start with tiers—Tier 1 (must-invite), Tier 2 (would-like-to-invite), and Tier 3 (if space allows).

Step 3: The Step-by-Step Guest List Process

Now that you have a roadmap, it’s time to get practical.

1. Start with a Brainstorm List

Write down everyone you’d love to invite—no filtering yet. Think family, friends, colleagues, childhood connections, plus-ones, and even mentors.

2. Categorize Guests

Sort them into immediate family, extended family, close friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.

Immediate Family & VIPs: Parents, siblings, grandparents, and lifelong friends—these are the non-negotiables.
Extended Family: Aunts, uncles, cousins—but how far down the family tree do you go?
Close Friends: Your support system. These are the friends who matter most.

Colleagues & Acquaintances: Would a coffee catch-up after the wedding suffice?

3. Refine the List (Without the Guilt!)

This is where the tough decisions happen. If you’re over capacity, consider cutting acquaintances, coworkers, distant relatives, or anyone you haven’t spoken to in years.

Still unsure? Ask yourself:

Would I be excited to see this person at my wedding?
Have I spoken to them in the last year?
Would they invite me to theirs?

Step 4: Making the Tough Calls

Here’s where it gets real. The wedding guest list is often a source of tension, whether it’s handling plus-ones, navigating family drama, or dealing with last-minute requests.

Here’s how to handle the most common guest list dilemmas:

The Plus-One Dilemma

A good rule: Only extend plus-ones to married, engaged, or long-term partners.
No casual dating invites—it’s a wedding, not a singles mixer.

Kids or No Kids?

A child-free wedding is completely acceptable—just make it clear on invitations.
If inviting children, consider offering kid-friendly entertainment or a designated play area.

Distant Relatives You Haven’t Seen in a Decade

If you haven’t spoken in years, they likely won’t mind being left off.
Use the "would they invite me?" test.

Coworkers: To Invite or Not to Invite?

If you don’t socialize outside of work, they probably don’t need an invite.
Consider inviting only close work friends—not the whole office.

Step 5: Get Organized Like a Pro

Once your list is finalized, it’s time to track and manage RSVPs like a wedding planning expert.

Use Digital Tools. Apps like Zola, WeddingWire, or Google Sheets keep everything organized.
Create a Visual Guest List to map relationships and balance both sides of the family.
Send Out Save-the-Dates & Invitations Promptly—ideally 6-8 months before your big day.

Pro Tip: Keep a backup list in case of last-minute cancellations.

Common Challenges & How to Overcome Them

Budget Constraints: If your list is too long, cut from the outer circles first (distant relatives, coworkers, acquaintances).
Venue Limits: Love a smaller venue? Opt for an intimate guest list and live-stream for others.
Family Expectations: Set boundaries and communicate your priorities with love but firmness.
Last-Minute Requests: Avoid awkwardness by sticking to your original headcount.

FAQs

Be honest but kind—blame budget, venue limits, or an intimate guest count.
No. You’re not obligated—invite based on your priorities.
Compromise where possible, but remember—it’s your wedding.

Final Thoughts

Creating your wedding guest list doesn’t have to be stressful. By prioritizing your vision, budget, and meaningful connections, you’ll craft a list that truly reflects your love story.

At St. James 1868, we’ve seen countless couples navigate wedding planning, and we know how important it is to create a meaningful and memorable guest experience. Our venue offers the perfect setting for a wedding that feels both grand and intimate, no matter the size of your guest list.

Need the perfect venue for your curated guest list? Book a tour of St. James 1868 and let’s bring your vision to life.

How to Make a Wedding Guest List! (Who Not to Invite!)